Breaking his shell
by Leila The Vampiress
Summary: Dean did some bad stuff to Sam when he was younger, can he help break Sams shell? Involving: Rape, Vampires, sex,and violence as well. If thats not your thing or you dont like it, don't read it. INCOMPLETE. Story includes: Wincest, SamDean. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK I've revised this chapter.  
Its not too different, I've change the man-vampire into a woman instead (My orginal plot would suffer if it was a man instead**

AND added a Disclaimer: Supernatural, Sam and Dean are not mine..  
What is mine though is the plot and the Vampire-thing as well as any other characters we might meet along the way ;-) 

SO read and review cause you know you want to.

* * *

"I close my eyes and brace myself  
I only noticed your face  
No matter what you're gonna build my shell  
No matter what you're gonna build my shell"

Dean was 13 when it came to him. It was a type of vampire. Dean was out hunting with John.  
Sam was home, he wasn't there to see and hear it.  
Dean was glad that Sam wasn't there. The vampire-thing came to Dean while John had left him alone to check on Sam.

She called out to him.

"Hey Boy"

Dean whirled around ready to shoot.

"Easy boy, I only thought I'd talk to you, but you seem like a "shoot first ask questions later" kind of kid. Did your daddy teach you that, to just kill anything without asking questions first? That is not a wise choice. Do you plan on killing me, without even knowing if I'm either good or bad?"

Dean knew she was just trying to get some kind of reaction out of him. He pulled the gun higher aiming at her heart.. well where her heart would be if she had one.  
"What? Of course I'm going to kill you! It's losers like you that have hurt my family. One of you damn demons killed my mom!"

"Tsk Tsk Tsk" She circled around Dean like a lion stalks his prey.

"Aw Dean, did your daddy teach you to talk that way? Where is dear old dad anyways?"

Dean thought about telling her a lie, he decided not to. Who knows what that vampire could do to him? It could read minds for all he knew  
He grit his teeth.

"He went to go check on Sam."

"Oh?"

The Vampire almost chuckled out loud. This would be easy. She thanked the vampire gods and caught herself before he smiled.

"Dad just left his boy out here by himself? He's not worried about you?"

"He's worried about me too, but since Sam is so young--"

"He's more importent" the vampire nodded and shrugged.

"I guess Sam is just a more importent issue, being a good student and all. I'm sure John has big plans for Sammy-boy. So, it'd be natural to be more concerned about him. While his other son is out here alone near some dark and scary woods with a monster that could wind up killing him at any time."

Dean reeled, he had just been thinking about that.

Could this thing read his mind? or was it that obvious how he felt?

"Dad loves me too! " He cried indignatly.

The Vampire stood in front of him and Dean had to look up at her. She looked him in the eyes.

"No he doesn't Dean. He loves Sam, hes just keeping you around to be his little soldier and do his hunting"

Then in an instant the Vampire-thing jumped in the air over Dean and ran farther into the woods. Dean ran after him at first then he stopped

_'What was that?'_ he thought_ 'Where was dad? he should have been here. He really must only be worried about Sam! This is all Sam's fault!'_

Then only a second later did he hear from a distance

"Hey, Son. Dean! Where are you?"

When he heard his dad he ran out of the woods where he had followed that thing.

"I'm right here dad."

"Where were you? Did you see something?"

Dean thought about the creature and decided not to say anything about it. Then he'd just get mad that Dean had let it get away.

"No dad, I did'nt. I just wanted to make sure that there was'nt anything in there" His dad walked up to him.

"You should'nt go into the woods by yourself! YOU know that! You're not old enough yet, you have'nt been trained well enough yet"

Dean thought about what that Vamp-thing had said

"Yeah, ok dad. I'm sorry"

John looked at Dean for a second wondering what he would ever do with Dean. John loved Dean he knew that he'd never be able to make it if Dean just ran around doing whatever he wanted to instead of thinking before he acted.

"I should'nt have left you here alone, in a year or two Sam will be old enough to come help on hunts. Then he'll be here and I won't have to leave you alone."

"yeah, sure. Can't wait." Dean mumbled "Can we go home now?"

"Ok son, let's go"

That is when it started. Dean loved his brother, But, he also hated him. Always having to look after him was grating on his nerves. He wanted to protect him but at the same time he hated it.

_'Sam's so young.'_ he thought _'But when am I ever importent? Sometimes I want someone to worry about me. Everyone is always so worried about Sam and looking after him since mom died. I loved her more than he could.'_

Dean missed his mom and he always knew that it was partly Sam's fault that she died. He just did'nt know why. He knew that that was why his dad was always more worried about him.

_'I miss mom'_

Dean always had a river of rage that seemed to rush to the surface easily. He could control it sometimes, but sometimes he would just burst. He grew tired of being the big brother, mother and father of Sam. It was'nt Sam's fault that their dad had to leave on sporadic trips that seemed incessent, but in a way it seemed like it was. Dean was always confused

Sam was so young. He was only 9 years old. Even though he was so young he still looked totally up to Dean. His dad was never around much and Dean always took care of him.

_'He's like my brother, and my dad.'_ Sam would think bitterly._ 'My own dad -OUR own dad- is never even here.'_

He was always sad about that because then Dean had to take care of him and Dean had no one to take care of him.

_'I wish I could take care of you, Dean.'_

Is a thought that Sam would get alot. Especially when Dean would come home from a hunt with bruises from running or combat from some other creature he would be facing that night.  
Sam wanted to be just like his big brother. He wanted to be a hero and kill bad things. He would do anything for Dean. His blind devotion did'nt seem to help Dean's anger issues sometimes though, it would even make him madder sometimes.  
Sam remembered once asking his brother why he was so mean sometimes but Dean only grunted, hit him and said

"One day I'll let you know."

The same year of the run-in with the Vampire-thing Dean got a girlfriend to take his mind of things and after all he was 13. Sam walked in on them making out and told their dad.  
Dean got really mad and hit Sam hard. Then he apoligized.  
Sam just thought that it was because he wanted that girl to do those things to him. He did'nt know the real reason Dean blew up, he had no idea how his brother could be so mad at him.  
Soon after during that year Dean started getting confused about girls and boys. He caught himself looking at a boy more than one and berated himself and tried to forget.

He needed a release though.

It just so happend that Sam was there, looking so innocent that he got mad about everything and hit him a couple times.  
Then he did it more and more... He was always so sorry that he had done it. He always apoligized and Sam seemed not to care.

Sam knew that his brother would be sorry everytime. He always was, he always apoligized and said that he was sorry.  
Sam did'nt ever say anything and he took it because inside he knew that it was hard taking so many orders from Dad and hunting on weekends in between school and girls. He always told himself

_'you can forget this. You'll be okay. You're helping him. One day he'll see just how much you care about him and he'll stop, he'd have to'_

Sam would do anything for Dean.

Soon sam stopped crying whenever Dean hit him. He knew that he just had to get tougher. Sam often asked himself how he could let Dean see that he cared so that he'd stop. He knew that Dean would'nt stop though, Sam deserved it. Dean would tell him sometimes why he deserved it, he would mumble things like "It's your fault mom's dead".

So Sam did everything that he could to be better. For Dean. For Himself.

One time though Dean started being rough while playing some game with Sam and thought that he liked it. Too much. It scared him at first but, Sam did'nt say anything so he dismissed it.

Once Dean turned 14 he thought of himself as ready to experiment more.

He once had a girl over and told Sam that they were 'playing' together and that they wanted him to 'get lost'. Sam wanted to 'play' too so he snuck into Dean's room and peeked in. He saw Dean sitting on the bed and the girl was doing different things to him. Sam felt a pang of jelousy though he would'nt reconize that particular feeling til he was older, but he felt oddly hurt. He did'nt know what to do, he would do anything for Dean but this was too much.  
Sam stormed in and asked them what exactly they thought that they were doing and called the girl a whore and a succubus. She did'nt know what that was but she got freaked out and ran out. Leaving Dean mad and horny, he blew up.

"Why did you do that?!"

"Because! You should'nt do those things. I did'nt want you to get in trouble with dad"

"I WAS doing fine until you showed up!"

Dean was mad. Really mad. Sam knew that when Dean got mad that he would really get hit hard, or beaten but, Sam had no way of knoing what Dean would do next.  
Then Dean grabbed his little brother and shoved him onto the bed. Sam braced himself ready for Dean to slap him hard, but to Sam's surprise and horror Dean did'nt hit him. He had kissed him! Sam pushed him away.

"No! Dean NO! This is WRONG!"

"Shut up. You are in trouble Sam. I'm mad at you and I want to hurt you. I need to hurt you"

Sam did'nt say anything he just braced himself and tried to get through it. He could'nt stop Dean and he was sorry that he had even thought about doing what he did. He just wanted to protect him this time, because his big brother had always protected him.

_'you can forget this, Sam. This is not Dean this is not like him! He'll be sorry later and it will all be okay'_

"I'm Sorry" was all that Sam could even whisper once his brother was done with him. Dean did'nt say anything back, he just sat on the bed and cried. He had been so mad, so angry. What was wrong with him?  
He could'nt believe that he could have done what he just did.

That year Sam just kept himself in a shell and whenever Dean blew up at him and decided to hurt him he'd just try not to think.  
Sam kept thinking _'Dean will be sorry, he'll say it. He always did.' _

But, he soon lost faith that his brother would say that he was sorry. Because he never did. Sometimes he'd just beat him up a bit and walk away and sometimes he'd do other things and after he did that he'd just sit and cry.

Sam loved dean. He wanted -he _needed-_ his brother to see that.

This went on for 2 more years. Finally Dean was 16 and Sam was 12.  
It was sudden when Dean stopped touching his brother. Sam was used to it by now and wondered what he did that made Dean stop.

Sam tucked tighter into his shell, wondering what he had done that was so bad that Dean would'nt even touch him anymore.  
For years Sam was unstable and insecure about everything. Soon he did'nt want Dean near him unless he had to, he depended on him and still loved him but for Sam it was'nt the same. It might never be.

As for Dean. He stopped touching Sam... he wanted to be brothers again. He wanted to stop hurting Sam most of all. Then when Sam would'nt let Dean be near him as much anymore Dean knew.  
Sam still depended on him. Frankly, he depended on Sam and still loved Sam, but it was'nt the same. It might never be.

**  
TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok. Forgot on the last chapter to add warnings and that stuff**

**Disclaimer: Supernatural, Sam AND Dean are not mine, sadly. OH and neither is the kickass car.**

**BUT! the story, and the vampire character(s) are mine.**

**As far as sex scenes go this is not the sex chapter. I will alert you of this when that time comes.**

**But, that is NOT this chapter. There is not a thing of slash in this chapter.. just brotherly love (You can all go 'Awww' now), and its all like.. fluffy too.. **

**OH and one more thing: The lyrics you see in the previous chapter come from Flyleafs "I'm Sorry"**

* * *

Now, Sam was about 22 and had left for college, had a steady girlfriend, he had a good life. Then she was killed.

By a Demon.

AND NOW He had to go on a hunt with his brother to kill it because this was the same thing that killed his mom and now it had killed Jessica.

"Welcome home little brother" Dean said

"Yeah great"

"What? No hug, no kiss; no 'Hi honey I'm home?'" Dean snickered

"Dean, quit being an ass. I'm only here because I wanna find that.. THING"

Dean was about 26 by now. He had almost forgotten about his younger doings. Almost. Until he saw Sam again, it all came flooding to his mind again like it had just happened yesterday.

"I'm sorry bro" he said, and reached out toward Sam's shoulder.

Sam shrinked back away from his brothers touch. Dean saw this and flinched.

"I'm sorry for Jessica too"

He did'nt know what to do. He knew that sorry would'nt work on Sam anymore.

"Let's just go ok?"

Sam got into the passenger seat of his brothers beautiful Impala. That thing did'nt like Sam very much, he could just tell.. he knew it.

They started on their trip in silence. For 2 years they fought demons together, they also got closer to each other. Almost like when they were so much younger, before Dean had changed

* * *

One day Dean decided that they needed a break. They needed to go home, or find a place to call home for a while.

They were in a old motel on the side of some unknown road.

"Hey Sam.. Sammy! Wake up dude."

Sam mumbled "Huh? What? What did you do? What are we killing?"

"Where would you like to go?"

Sam automaticall whipped out his laptop to look up more crap as usual. Dean grabbed the laptop and put it down

"No." Dean said "Not another hunt, a break. We need a break from all this... you need a break I can see how its wearing you down. We are going away from all this hunting for a while. NOW. Where would you like to go?"

Dean seemed like he really wanted to go somewhere, away.

_Why? _Sam wondered. Everything had been going better, or as good as it could go considering their job. But, everytime Dean seemed to be getting closer to him he could just close his eyes and remember everything. Or when Dean got mad or blew up at him he'd remember everything and close up like a clam shell. He had a feeling that Dean knew it, or that he could feel it anyways.

"Uhh... Texas"

Dean laughed "Why Texas?"

"I don't know. I like cows."

"Cows. You want to go to Texas to see cows? Sure." Dean just thought his brother was being stupid. But, whatever Sammy wanted was what Dean wanted to give to him. After all, he loved that kid so much. He'd been trying to patch their relationship since he was 16. It seemed impossible. But they needed to talk so badly. They needed to get away from a stupid damn hunt so they could talk and be normal for a while.

SO! They headed toward Texas.

* * *

They got into the car and was driving down the road toward the general direction of Texas. Finally after what seemed like hours and hours, it was only an hour or so, Dean could'nt stand the silence.

They where near Texas anyways so Dean stopped and went to a random motel on the side of the road.

"Where to now little bro?" Dean said hoping to start a converation, even if it was just stupid stuff.

Sam thought "How about Fort worth, or San Antonio?" Sam had read about all kinds of different werid things happening around those places. He knew that Dean didn't want to go on a hunt but Sam did'nt wanna be bored the whole time, who knew what Dean really wanted to do?

"Uhh, ok whatever. We'll stay here tonight and then we should be able to make it within the next day or two."

Dean decided to go get food after they had settled in the motel.

"Stay here ok? I'm gonna go get some food and then I wanna talk to you"

"Ok, whatever. Just not MCDonalds"

"Why?"

"I saw that movie about it, that's not real food man."

"Whatever. I'll be back."

Dean came back a bit later.

He got McDonalds.

Sam asked him "What is that?"

"That's all there was around here. Just eat it."

Dean tossed the bag toward Sam on the bed. Then he went to sit on his own bed, took off his boots and spread out on his bed on his back. Looking up at the ceiling he started thinking

_Is there a reason that Sam might wanna go to those places? He seemed really specific. Oh well, Everythings better in Texas is what I hear... _He smiled at that thought, he'd just have to find out for himself if everything was really better.

Dean sat up and decided to go ahead and eat. Sam was already sitting at the little table in the middle of the room eating his food, they sat and ate in silence.

Finally Dean got irritated.

"Why don't you talk?!" Sam caught off guard looked up startled.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" He replied off-handedly

"You know what I'm talking about, the stony silences, the fact that you won't even let me near you whenever I get mad. What is it? You have'nt been the same these past few weeks, and I'm beginning to worry man. What is up with you?"

Sam sat back and tried to think calmly. He decided to go about this rationally instead of blowing up, then everything would just get getting emotionally hectic. He decided to keep it all inside. He didn't want -well he didn't know _what_ he wanted. He decided that he'd try to get Dean to forget about it.

"I don't know. I don't want to talk about it"

Dean just got angrier. "NO! We are going to talk, now." He grabbed Sams arm to pull him nearer to him.

"OW! Quit that!" Sam grimaced.

"What? I barely even touched you. How would that hurt?" Sam looked down and didn't answer. He still had ahold of Sam's arm so he pulled back Sam's sleeve.

"What--?" He saw deep cuts measuring from Sams elbow to his wrist. Most of them seemed newer and some looked older.

"What is that?" He gestured towards Sams arm.

Sam shrank back away from Deans touch and voice.

"Uhh, its nothing, its from our last hunt." Dean looked towards Sams arm with disbelief.

"No, its not. Have you been doing this long? How come I never knew? When did you start this? and I really wanna know why you never told me."

Sam couldn't take it anymore, he had been holding everything in for so long that he felt like he was going to explode!

"I couldn't tell you, how could I? It's YOUR fault! Also, for your information I've been doing this since I left for college." Sam all but yelled. Dean couldn't believe what he had just said, his mind reeled. _What has he done? Why.. What did I do? _Why couldn't he talk to him? His mind answered for him _'Maybe because you ignored every sign that he has ever shown?'_

Dean still couldn't believe that Sam, his Sammy, would do this.

"I've been saying sorry for years! What can I do? I'd do anything for you, why can't you see that? I've been trying since I was 16 to try and make it better, I know it might now be the same but Sammy I've changed. I was wrong. I know that all I do is hurt you but I want to try to make up for it, or at least try to make it a little better. What can I do?"

Sam looked up at Dean, who was standing over him, with tears in each mans eyes. Dean continued.

"I'd do anything for you Sam. I look out for you because I want to and I love you. I'm sorry that I ever made you think that I hated it or hated you."

Sam got up and went to his bed. He sat there with his head in his hands. He thought about what he should say to Dean carefully.

"Dean, I let you do all that stuff because I loved -love- you and I'd have done whatever -and still would- I needed to make you happy. If you needed to hurt me or do things to me then I understood and shut my mouth and bared it. I thought that if I let you do things that eventually you'd have seen just how much I loved you and would stop, but when you did stop it was without warning and I didn't know what to think."

Dean was not used to all this emotional stuff, he really didn't care for it especially.

"This is a chick flick moment if I ever saw one." Dean chuckled in spite of the situation and went over to Sam. He put his hand on Sam's shoulder and said quietly.

"I was really angry back then. I never told you or dad why though. You guys never knew why I was so fucked up. You never knew why I messed up badly with you, or why I had said and did all the things that I did. I never told dad what happend to me that year one time while hunting with him. Or why I started to resent you more and more."

Now it was sam's turn to ask the questions.

TBC...

**

* * *

Yeah isn't that a bitch?   
****Sorry about the cliffhanger..**

**I'll update within the week. ****I'm working on the next chapter right now.**

**  
Review!! You know you want to!**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: IM SORRY that I havent updated, I meant to earlier this week and couldnt. I've been so busy lately. School mostly. Oh well..

Besides the usual disclaimer that SN is NOT mine.. lets get on with the story!

NEXT chapter will hopefully be within the next couple of weeks.

* * *

"What happend?" Sam inquired 

Dean took his hand away from Sam and started fiddling with his own hands instead, proving that he was nervous.

_'Why did I go and say that?! Now, he'll never let it go until I totally break down and confess it all.'_

Dean didn't say anything for a few minutes.

Sam turned to face Dean. Sam saw a look in Deans eyes that was filled with such emotion. Different ones as well like anger, sorrow, reluctence, digust and Sam thought he could see fear? Was it fear? He hadn't seen that emotion except a couple times in his brothers eyes. He wondered what could make him feel this way, even after all these years.

"If this has anything to do with why you started doing that stuff to me, I'd like to know. I think I should know. What happend Dean?"

"You should know Sammy, its something that you probably need to know."

Dean told Sam all about his conversation with the Vampyre and how it had affected him. While he told Sam everything he tried to be strong about it. He really did. He didn't want his brother to see him as weak, especially when he had gotten to Sam just as bad or worse than it did to him. He needed to be strong for Sam, It was HIS fault that Sam was hurting his body and he wanted to make it stop. _'stop thinking about yourself and think about him for once, this has had an ever bigger effect on him. More than you, stop being weak.' _Dean scolded himself.

After Dean told him everything Sam thought hard about it all

_' Wow, all this happend to him and he didn't think he could tell me? How could this happen... he wants to only be strong. He is so stubborn sometimes'_

After a moment Sam finally spoke. It was Sam's turn to try to comfort his brother but what could he say?

"Dean- I dont.. I don't know what to say. I mean, there aren't may words I can even form right now"

Dean kept looking down at his hands, he was messing with a loose thread from his jeans.

When all the sudden Dean just broke down. All the emotions he had been building up for so long came streaming out of him like a dam had suddenly been blown up.

"I'm sorry Sam! ... I am truly sorry. I should NEVER have hurt you or touched you. I was supposed to look out for you, not hurt you! I could never believe that I had done such a terrible thing to you, so I never talked about it. The stupid Vampire-bitch thing is no excuse for hating you. It just made so much damn sense to me at the time. I was already mad because I always had to hunt and take care of everything else because dad was always working. I can't believe I ever thought about hating you. I shouldn't have ever touched you like I did.. I - - IDK"

Sam had not known any of this of course, he was shocked. He wanted to hug Dean and be there for him but at the same time he felt, betrayed. Like Dean didn't trust him enough to tell him, but he reminded himself that the both of them need to get through this. He was now finally able to get Dean talking, he searched for words again.

"You really thought that Dad loved me more?"

Those were the first words he said. Dean could'nt believe it.. he expected Sam to blow up and yell at him. He sat up straighter and looked Sam in the eyes. Sam continued.

"But.. you were always his favorite, his favorite hunter. You were and are just like him, and a better hunter. I was always sure that Dad loved you more."

* * *

Sam thought back to when he first learned to hunt. 

"No Sam! Look at your brother, watch him."

John was yelling at sam again. Just because he had tried to use his gun, wrong of course. Sam had just come of age to learn how to hunt. He was 11, and doing it wrong. Sam could study, thats what he was good at. He couldn't shoot or hunt as good as Dean could. That is what Dean could do. Dean could do just about anything, well, except when it came to school. Dean didn't do well in school and Sam knew it. Sam never tried to show off though, he was just a very studious kid.

_'Dean may not do good in school but at least he can hunt the thing that killed mom. _

Sam tried to aim again, and as usual he got yelled at because he still had not hit the target. In fact it seemed that his aim was getting worse and worse. Sam knew that he had to try harder, he knew that he had to if he wanted to hunt.

_'After all.' _Sam thought _'It is my fault that mom died. I wish I had known her. Why did this have to happen to us? What did I do to deserve it?'_

"Dean!" John called. Dean ran over to his dad.

"Yeah? What is it, dad?"

"Help your brother for a while, I need to go do some more work."

The brothers watched their father walk into the house again. Sam knew that his dad had just gotten irritated because of him, or he thought that was it. It was always his fault that his dad got mad it seemed. Dean looked sideways at his brother.

"Sam, are you sure you didn't annoy dad on purpose? I was sure you'd take to this better. Your supposed to be the naturally talented one here."

"No I'm not. I don't know if I'll ever get any better at this. I can't hold it right"

Dean stepped closer to his brother and grabbed his gun. He showed Sam how to hold it and then shot at the target.

"Bullseye! You try Sam."

Sam imitated how his brother had held the gun and shot it. It didn't hit the target but, it was closer this time at least.  
He tried again, and again and again. After about 5 times and many comments and tips from Dean he hit the target. Well, he got close he hit somewhere on the target this time at least. He was so happy. Dean always helped when he could even if he did the wrong things sometimes, at least he tried.

"Thanks, Dean."

* * *

Dean stopped crying but his voice still broke, he tried to think. How could Sam think that dad didn't love him too? 

"Sam, Dad didn't love me more than you. I was just older, and I am like him too, just like you said. He just was never very out there about his emotions, you know how he was most of the times, he didn't like to talk about stuff.  
But when you left he did say that he was proud of you. I wanted him to be proud of me too. I think he was proud of both of us in the end."

"He was stupid" Sam smiled. "You were always his 'boy'"

"You are too Sam, ya know"

Sam still thought about everything. After a minute or a few actually he spoke.

"So, You hated me?"

Dean looked Sam in the eyes and answered truthfully "No. I didn't. Not really anyways, I thought I did but really I didn't. I got angry at you and resented you sometimes but I never hated you. I couldn't hate you, you're my brother."

Sam put his arm around his brother, he wanted to do something for him but he didn't know what he could do without getting those old feelings to stir up again.

_'What is wrong with you Sam?! Stop! Get over it. You were over it, so STAY over it.' _

"Its ok, I wanted you to feel better so I would kind of... let... you hurt me. I mean, I wasn't some weakling, I could have stopped you I'm pretty sure."

Dean knew that what Sam had said was well.. true. Sam was always bigger than him. He could never figure it out though. Dean leaned into Sams touch, it made him feel better. For some reason Sam could always make him feel better.

_'Are you sure you're feeling the right way? You got over this a long time ago, don't go stirring up old feelings again. Just wuit thinking.' _

"Sam...?"

Sam pulled his hand back and then got up to go into the bathroom.

"I uhh.. I'm really tired I'm gonna go take a shower and go to bed."

Dean watched his brother walk into the bathroom. He wished that he could just tell Sam everything. Once Dean heard the water running he started to cry.

"I'm sorry Sammy, I shouldn't feel like this. I thought I was over this, I really did. I'm Sorry that I hurt you. I'm so selfish sometimes, I don't deserve you. You have always been there, you knew. You just let me do it all to you. WHY? Why would you do that? How could I do that to you? I'm so sorry Sam. "

He whispered everything that was pouring out of his heart. Finally he went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. Then he looked over to his bag in the corner of the old dingy motel room and took out one of the hunting knives. He hadn't done anything like this for a long time, forever it felt like. He had finally stopped for actually a couple of years now. Tonight he felt like he needed it. He felt like he needed to forget about Sam. He needed to get over it all, and the only way he could destract from the emotional pain was with physical pain.  
He got up and walked out the door to his car, he couldn't be anywhere near Sam right now.

Sitting in his beautiful car he slid the knife over his wrist he made different lines length-wise and width-wise as well.  
He stopped when he heard a door slam not to far away, he looked up and saw Sam walking towards the car in blue jeans and a white wife beater.  
Quickly Dean put the knife in the glove compartment, got out the bottle of beer and covered up his arm.

"What?" he said.

"Nothing, are you coming inside?"

"Yeah, in a minute."

"Whatever, you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be in in a minute" Sam walked back inside and went to bed.

Dean sat in his car and cried for a while longer.

"I'm trying to be okay Sam, I really am." He whispered.

"I wanna be there for you  
Someone you can come to  
Runs deeper than my bones  
I wanna be there for you  
I wanna be there for you"  
FlyLeaf "There for you"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow. I just re-read the last two chapters and I'm sorry guys, I suck at timelines. I just relized that Dean went, got breakfast, yelled at Sam, and apperently took ALL DAY and ALL EVENING telling his story.. according to how Sam went to take a shower and go to bed.. **

OK so that I can make this all straight and explain, Dean got breakfast when it was like.. almost lunch, plus telling his story and the whole both of them being upset and all took HOURS and hours, and by the time they were finished they were really wiped out and needed to get to sleep.  
They went to bed kinda early.  
So there.. does that kinda.. help? or just make it lame?.. Sorry. I'll watch it next time.

ANYWAYS, enjoy.

Usual Disclaimer: S&D are not mine.. but the storyline, facts, and extra characters are all mine...

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* * *

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Dean went in to go to bed and saw Sam already in his own bed.

_I'm sorry Sammy, I shouldn't be hurting myself anymore I know. I will stop I promise. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to, it'll just hurt us both even worse. I'm just selfish. _

He pulled off his pants and got into bed, too worn out from the day and yet still not tired enough to sleep. He started thinking about how he had felt all day and how many times he had to tell himself not to. He kept telling himself to quit thinking those things because it wasnt happenin, and even if he thought it was, it wasnt. That was when he heard it, a strangled cry coming from the bed right next to him.  
Sam must of been having a nightmare again, it was probably due to what was going on all that day. Then he turned over and saw Sam thrashing and started screaming hoarsly.

Dean went to wake him up. He sat on the edge of the bed and tried to calm his brothers body down, he held out a hand towards Sams face lightly pushing his hair away from his face.

"Sam... SAM! Wake up buddy! Come on."

Sam jerked awake. The first look Dean saw in his eyes was fear, then it regestered with Sam where he was.

"What?" He whined like he was an 8 year old again, "Dean, it was so horrible.. it was.. it -- I... You.. I dont know exactly. I can't talk about it" He started to cry.

Dean sat on the bed close to his brother, hugged Sam around his shoulders and pulled him close. "Shhh... Sammy, its ok." He stroaked Sam's hair softly. After a few minutes Dean whispered "I don't get it, why'd you let me do it? I don't think I get you Sam."

Sam looked up into Deans eyes reflecting the moonlight coming in thru the window.

"Yeah, you do. I always had me."

With that quick thought Sam kissed Dean.

Dean was suprised, _'What is Sam doing?! Why? and Where'd he learn that trick with his tongue?' _At first Dean leaned into the kiss, deepening it, then he remembered that this was his **_brother. _**Nevermind the fact that it was another man, Dean had been battling those demons for years.

Dean jerked backwards.

"Sam, are you okay? I mean everyone has expermented, hell, Ive been bi for years... but isnt this a bit far?"

Sam looked at his brother indfferently, he sat up, out of Deans arms but still next to him and explained.

"Well, when you started hurting me I learned when you got angry what was going to happen, that I'd get hit. When you raped me and then did it those other times I just... well, I let you because I knew you needed a release. But, once I got older I started... wanting it? Maybe thats the word, maybe not, I didn't _want _it but I didn't _not_ want it.  
I didn't like that I seemed to not mind it anymore and that I seemed to want it, I got sick with myself.  
I tried to quit thinking about it- so I got different girlfriends and tried to keep out of your way. Then when you stopped I was afraid that you stopped because I you were sick of me too...  
Then when I went to college it hit me hard. I threw myself into my studies and Jessica, trying to keep myself busy, so that I wouldn't have to think about you. Then whenever I did think about you I did this"

He showed Dean a couple of faint scars on the inside of his arm

"I couldn't live without you Dean. I decided to act mad at you and be distant because I needed to get over you. I made myself resent you, evern though I loved you I still resented you for what you did and was scared of you."

Dean reeled. He had felt this way for that long? Dean had been struggling with this for a while. Dean couldn't mess with this right now and he had a feeling that Sam shouldn't be either in his condition and seeing as how it was in the middle of the night. They were both confused and Dean had already been confused. Finally after a few minutes of thinking he looked down toward the floor.

"Sam, I really don't know what to do, I know I usually do but this time I don't. I'm confused and have been for a while. I don't know if I can handle this right now. Just let me think for a while okay?"

Sam wasn't embarassed, ok fine he was.. a little. But he knew his brother and knew that he'd get over it sooner or later. Not hoping for the latter he sighed "Okay, yeah sure. Lets just get some sleep huh?"

"Yeah, sounds good. I hope we don't have to go thru a chick flick moment everytime you have a nightmare."

Sam laughed and Dean started to stand up to go to his bed. As he stood up he felt a tug on his boxers, he turned and saw Sam looking up. "Will you stay with me until I go back to sleep? I don't want to have another nightmare, I'm still freaked out."

Dean thought about it, maybe they should sleep in separate beds... but, what if Sam had a worse nightmare next time and Dean wasn't awake? Dean made a decision, not worrying about what had just happened moments before and not thinking about what could possibly happen he decided that he was going to be a big brother and confort his little brother, just like when they were little.

"Sure Sammy, of course I will."

With that said Dean crawled into bed with his brother, he sat up against the head board and Sam sat in his lap. Sam leaned back and Dean just held him until they both fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning Dean woke up alone. "Sam?" At that exact moment Sam walked in the door, he had went to go get food.

"Mornin'. Are you hungry?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, course I am."

They ate in silence, and then Dean decided to take a walk. He really needed to think and sort out everything in his head.

"I need to go get some air. I'll be back later."

"Ok, I think that I need to stay and do some thinking myself."

Dean looked back at Sam. "How do you know if I'm going to go think or not? I could be going to do anything."

Sam's eyebrow quirked upwards. "Like what? I knew from the look in your eyes and on your face, also considering everything thats happend lately I think its pretty obvious that you think we both need time to think. Just be back in a little bit because we need to leave today."

"Ok, See ya."

Sam watched his brother walk through the door and close it. He tried not to think about him at first but, he couldn't. He had felt this wat since he was young. Dean had been hurting him for so long that Sam had was used to it. Not to say he liked it, he just knew it would happen and expected it,  
'_Maybe you did like it._ _Maybe you're just that fucked up now. Did you ever think about that little fact?'  
_When Dean stopped and didn't want to touch him anymore Sam felt like he had made his brother so mad or so disappointed in him that he couldn't even touch him. It was from then on that Sam was afraid of touching Dean.  
Sam knew it was wrong to think of his own blood that way, but he couldn't stop. He loved Dean and all he could do was to try and forget about it.  
'_And how well did THAT work out for you?'_  
All through college it got harder instead of easier. He got a girlfriend to try to focus on, but, it didn't work. He kept thinking abot Dean. He did love Jess but it wasn't the same. Then he started cutting himself because he needed to forget. For him, for Dean.  
Dean had so many girlfriends and he was always jelous of them, because they had his Dean. They had a part of him that Sam just couldn't have. It made Sam mad just thinking about it.  
_'He couldn't love me. What was I thinking? What is wrong with me? At least if he had gotten mad I would have known how he felt'  
_Sam kneeled at his bag searching for something. He found it, then walked into the bathroom.  
Of course Dean didn't feel that way. That was his brother.

* * *

Dean didn't know what to think. He had been confused about Sam for years. He had hated him but not really. Then he stopped when he realized that he loved Sam more. That instead of hurting him he wanted to make Sam feel better. He wanted to love and protect him.  
_'Fine job you did of that. He was so afraid of you that he couldn't even look at you. Maybe you're just fucked up.'_  
When Sam started hunting with John and him he had felt.. happy that his brother would be there with him. But, once he realized that when he got mad that he got hot for Sam he didn't want to touch him. He knew that Sam was innocent and shouldn't have to suffer anymore by his own hand. Sam shouldn't have to suffer because he couldn't control himself.  
_'And yet he did. So you worked that out REAL well didn't you?'  
_Dean stopped hurting his brother in those ways. He didn't want to, he wanted to touch him, hold him sometimes, but he had to hold back. Then after that he got some more girlfriends to try to fix it all. He thought that maybe he could distract himself from Sam, he tried to stop thinking about him. He went to work trying to fix his and Sam's relationship.  
Was it just him or was Sam hesitant to have Dean near him? Was he afraid of him? That was when Dean knew that he had ruined Sam, and his relationship with him. He couldn't have the part of Sam that he wanted.  
Dean got incredibly sad thinking about it.  
Of course Sam never felt that way. That was his brother.

* * *

Dean now trying to get his head cleared to talk to Sam, or not to talk He wasn't sure. He walked in the door. 

"Okay, are you ready yet?..." No answer. "Sam! Yo, Where are you?"

Dean heard a noise in the bathroom.

"Sam?" He slowly opened the bathroom door. "Sammy! What are you doing?"

Sam was sitting in the shower slashing his arms with almost ice cold water raining down on his beautiful, scarred body. Dean ran to his brother and turned off the water. He then took the knife from Sam and threw it to the other side of the room.

"Sam, What are you -- Why?"

Sam shuddered against the cold while Dean wrapped a towel around him.

"You.. You.. I'm not.. I don't" Dean wrapped his arms around his brother and Sam finished his thoughts. "You can't love me. It's wrong. I have to get it out of me."

Dean couldn't believe this. this was all because of him? This was his fault.

"No Sam. You aren't wrong or anything. I love you. I know what you mean though. Let me fix this. Let me take care of you."  
Sam nodded. Dean took him in his arm and hepled Sam into the bedroom. Sam put on some pants and before he could put on a shirt Dean sat him on a bed with stuff to clean his cuts with.

"How long?"

Sam knew what he meant by that. Dean didn't mean his arm.

"Since I was about 12." Sam admitted.

"But, that's when I stopped."

"I know, I started being afraid to be around you alot, because I felt like you didn't want to touch me because I was dirty."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sam had felt the same way all along?

"No, Sam. I never felt that way. I didn't want to touch you anymore because I wanted you to be my innocent Sammy again, even though I knew that couldn't ever happen."

Dean looked up at his brother then with only love in his eyes he awkwardly met his brother's gaze and bit his lip. He was going to do it, he could tell.

Sam was trembling like the proverbial leaf, he had no idea what he should do. He had done it last night but, this was different. He was nervous. Very nervous.

He got as far as placing his fingers on Dean's neck and leaning in until his brother's breath, brushed across his top lip. Hot and so tempting.

They both froze.

Dean smiled gently and slowly moved closer, until their lips finally just barely touched.  
It was damp and sticky with no pressure or taste. Then Dean opened his mouth just slightly and sucked lightly on Sam's bottom lip. Sam had never experienced anything so incredibly intimate. Sam felt his stomach flutter and his heart beat quickened, his heart was beating so fast he thought Dean could hear it.  
Dean couldn't hear it but he could feel it. He placed his hand on Sam's chest, and felt his brother's heart under his own hand.

Finally they both let go of the kiss and they sat back just enough to see each other well.

"Did you ever ... really.. I mean did you... before yesterday?" came Sam's words stumbling out of his mouth.

"Sam, you might wanna try using coherent sentecnces when talking" Dean laughed.

"I can't. Can't. Think. Straight." A kiss on Dean's cheek. "Wanted you." A kiss on the older mans lips from the younger. "So long." and a trail of kisses measuring from Dean's chin to his collar bone. Dean moaned and grabbed Sam's face and kissed him hard and passionatly. Sam pulled Dean onto the bed and eased on top of him.  
Sam leaned down to kiss his brother, his hips grinding into Deans softly. Sam groaned into Deans mouth. Dean captured every sound into his mouth returning a few of his own. Sam chasing a trail of kisses from Deans neck to his belly button stopping to trace the older mans muscles with his tongue. Then Sam sat up on Dean's stomach pushed his arms above his head and put his mouth on Dean's as if to claim him.

"You're mine now. You know that?" He whispered in a low and suductive voice. "And I'm not letting you go again."

The older man looked into the beautiful eyes of the younger man on top of him and saw that his brother meant what he had said. He saw the love and adoration his brother had for him.

"I love you sam. You are mine too ya know"

"You've been watching chick-flicks Dean?" Sam sniggered.

"Shut up. You're so chick flick you cry at everything."

Sam pouted, " I do not."

"You're not whining are you?" Dean smiled that irrisistable smile that showed just how cocky he really was.

Sam sat up and got off of Dean. Leaving him hot, horny and hard. "We need to leave. It's getting late already"

Dean looked at his brother like he was insane. There's no way was he gonna do this to him, was he? He was, wasn't he? He was going to punish him.

Sam saw the look on Dean's face and almost laughed right there, he almost couldn'r resist jumping on him and finishing what he had started. Then he thought _'I'll make him suffer for a while, but not too long. I don't know how long I can go myself, I need to take advantage of this though'_

Sam walked over to his bag and said over his shoulder "Are you coming?"

"I wish." He mumbled and got up. He went over to re-pack his things and threw them into the back of his car. They needed to keep going. This would be a fun trip he decided, and grinned.

* * *

**Was it any better? I was wondering if maybe I was making them go a bit too fast at first. **

Don't worry about the Vampyre and all that.. I have a feeling we'll be seeing her in within the next couple of chapters. :D.  
I love reviews. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed already. Another Chapter will be up soon. I'm trying to work on it right now, but some things come up suddenly (and I have a feeling that Dean has a problem very similar to mine. lol)  
I really want to finish it soon though so I'm gonna keep working on it and lets hope I'll have another chapter up within the next week or so.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Usual Disclaimer: I don't own Sam OR Dean, I just borrow them. :P

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They were in the car and had been for most of the day. Sam had been lying back and was looking out the window when he spoke.

"Hey Dean?"

Dean jumped, startled. "Gosh! Yeah?"

"After that night, did you ever see a vampire thing like her again?"

Dean thought, what could he say? He didn't know what she was. "Sam, I don't even know what she really is."

That answer didn't satisfy Sam, Dean didn't answer the question! "You didn't answer. Well, did you?"

Dean looked at his brother inquisitivly for a seconf before turning his attention back to the road.  
"No, I've only came across that one. I've looked up where she's been since then but I have no clue. I mean it's not like I know her name, where she is or even WHAT she is."

"Hmm..." Sam thought, he turned in his seat to look at his brother. "Okay I've changed my mind. I want to get that thing. I don't want to go on some aimless road trip. Besides I was just look for some stories to check out while we were there anyways."

Dean smirked and took a quick look at Sam, always busy, he always had to be doing something.

"Uhh.. No sam. I don't think we should, I don't know. The last time I looked for her I got hurt, bad." He quickly relized that said too much and quickly thought that he should shut his trap.

Sam looked over at his brother with a mixture of anger, protectiveness and worry in his eyes.  
"Wait! You didn't tell me the whole story?! Did you look for her again? Why? When?!"

Dean huffed. " I was 16, tired of being angry, of hurting you and it was affecting everything. I was filled with a hell-bent will of hate, I was ready to kill her for polluting my mind with her shit." He shut up, hoping Sam wouldn't say anything else but, lo and behold he did.

"So, what happend?" Sam was interested in knowing when this happend and just where had _he_ been when this happend?

Dean knew that his brother wouldn't ever quit hounding him so he decided to buck up and tell him.

"Okay, Okay, I'll tell you..." Dean pulled the car over and stopped the car, this would take a while and he had a feeling it'd be crazy. Dean turned toward Sam in his seat.  
"Alright, I went to go find the vamp. I had been looking for her and had convinced Dad to leave us at the house while he went away on a job. So, I took the Impala and found her. She was near those same woods, she had known I was coming.

* * *

"I knew you would come. You have been in turmoil for sometime now." She smiled in the darkness of the shadows. 

Dean looked towards her direction, she stepped toward him into the light. He looked her up and down, She was tall with dark brown hair that was long to her lower back and was so dark that it was almost black. She had white blond and fire red highlights in it.  
She was wearing a blood red and black corset top that laced up the front. Long black pants that were tight but not slutty, combined with her black heavy combat boots and her long black cape-like coat.  
She was one nice lookin demon.

"Who are you" It wasnt posed as a question it was a demand from Dean.

"That matters not, you only want to know why I said what I did, and if Sam will ever love you."

_How does she know this? Is it obvious? Can she read minds? Would sam ever love him? Is it wrong? _

She took advantage of the silence that Dean provided. She stepped toward him, reached out and touched his face gently. She looked at him with a cold, calculating look on her face.

"Dean" she whispered-not -so-softly "You should know by now that Sam will never love you in the way you want." Her voice got louder with every beat "Look what you've done to his! He is no longer innocent. He is damaged goods now. Your rage has dont that to him. He cannot ever love you now, brother or not. You humans with your emotions. It's weakness! Humans show weaknesses through emotions. Its despicable. You are weak. Humans are weak. It makes me sick."  
With that she spit on the ground. She stepped back away from Dean. He raised the gun. She laughed.

"Ha! Your think that you, nothing more than human, a mortal, can kill me? Do you see what your emotions have done to you humans? You can't even think straight. I thought you wanted to know wht I said what I did. Do you?"

Dean was surprised. She had a point about the emotionalweakness thing. He nodded.

She continued.

"Well, as for why. Isn't it what you wanted to hear? You despise him. Just for being born when you were old enough to understand how your mother died. You just didn't realize it at the time, until I uhh... helped? you on your path to enlightenment." The last statement seem to be mocking but he didn't pay attention.  
She went on.

"Anyways, I am a 'monster' as your kind call me. We do bad things, sow bad seeds. So what? You humans do the same thing. How come you're not killing them?"

Dean opened his mouth to answer. She slapped him, she hated being interrupted.  
"Do not inturrupt me. That was a rhetorical question." She kept on. "So, sometimes plans backfire, it has before. Well, once or twice. I could have just fucked up your life forever." She smiled a cruel smile.  
"We are known for being mischievious, I am a vampanye, we are like regular vampires but crueler, meaner, and sadistic. You don't need to know anymore."

Dean tried to shoot her when she stopped talking but, she moved before he could and her movements were so fast and fluid that he didn't see her. She pushed him hard and fell backwards. He was sprawled on his back up against a tree.

"One more thing Dean Winchester. I am no fool. I know your kinda, better than you do in all probability. I know those like you, you all think alike."

She saw saw the look of anger and disbelief in his eyes and decided to cut out his heart with a rusty spoon. She leaned towards him, her face an inch away from his own.

"You are a fool, an angry one at that. Angry fools are stupid and can't control your temper. Why do you think Sam can't stand to be around you? Why can't he look you in the eye? Why won't he touch you?  
I know why. You disgust huim." She poked his chest hard with her long pointed fingernails with those last three words. Those hit him hard and she knew it. She held him down by the shoulders up against the tree.  
"You have done the unimaginable to him, you are now lower than the dirt. You will never be of any worth to him now. You have huty him in so many ways, you have hurt him, mentally, verbally, spritually and most of all physically. You've killed him."

Dean's mind was reeling. What was going on? Did he really kill sam inside like she said? He tried to speak as she stood upright.  
"I- I uhh don't... but, it's all _your fault!_ You made me do it all!"

"Did I?" she asked, she kicked him in the chest hard. Dean wasn't expecting that, he doubled over in pain.

"I don't remember being there." She stated as she punched him in the face a couple times.  
She punched his stomach and then stopped suddenly. Dean thought maybe it was over.

"No such luck." She said. She dragged a long nail over theskin on his face down to his neck leave a light, but long cut. It started bleeding. She used her nails like razor blades, she slit a cut down his shirt ripping it a little. She pulled out a knife from her belt, opened his shirt and cut a think line down his chest.  
Dean tried to struggle away.  
She leaned over down towards his ear and whispered in his ear "You move and I'll slit your throat"

His wound started bleeding, oh how she loved the smell of blood. She licked it off him, against his will he moaned, it slipped out. She smirked and licked the blood off his face, down his chest and stopped right about the waistband of his pants.  
She sat up slightly, crouched over him she grabbed him through his pants hard "You don't deserve a dick after what you've done." She twisted her hand causing him to whimper.

"You... are a bitch" He said through strangled breaths.

She stood up over him letting go of him in the process.

"You've decided to insult me? How smart."  
She kicked him in the ribs and as he tried to get up she shoved him up against a tree and punched his gut a couple times before slapping him as hard as she could leaving huge bruises and scratches that were bleeding profusly.  
He looked up at her and stood his ground. He could stand this, he had no choice. He wished she'd stop, but instead he opened his mouth again.

"I've had worse. You son of a bitch."

She looked at him indifferently, "I am no son, I am a daughter, and she was not a bitch! She was a queen. You are the bitch, look at you. You wish you could beg for mercy but you know I'd never listen, you are powerless. You should be bowing to me."

Before he could move she circled around him and kicked him behind his knees forcing him to fall down on his knees in front of her. She smiled. Yet she heard "I will NEVER bow to you. You are nothing but a stupid whore."

She reached down, grabbed his face and pulled it up toward her direction. She looked down at him. "You will regret that." Before he knew what happend he had ropes tied around him and he was standing between two trees strung up like some kind of.. prisoner.

She pulled out her whip from her belt, it was long, black leather, and thin at the ends which hurt more. She was very good with a whip. First, she gave him a chance to repent, he refused so she ripped off his shirt and started. She flicked his chest a couple times just so he could feel the sting, he tried to writhe away from her reach but couldn't get away from the ropes. It left a red welt on his chest, he wondered if he could endure the rest.

With every hit Dean wondered how he had gotten in this situation, he thought about how to get out and saw no way, he had no weapon or anything. He'd just have to wait until she got tired of him. He tried not to cry out, he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing him give in.

She continued to leave large welts down his back, finally after what seemed lik forever she let the whip hang at her side and reached forward toward his back. She held the whip with her left hand and reached out to touch his back with her right. She ran her hand down his back feeling the skin that had risen up from the welts, the heat radiated off him.  
Dean moaned and tried to get away from her hand.  
She wouldn't let him, but, she decided that she should let him go before she really did something bad.

She walked over to face his chest and before letting him go she decided to get his chest. She saw the wound from her knife earlier, she slapped the whip right over it making it bleed once more.

Dean hissed "Stop."

"Beg me." She stated.

He shook his head, not knowing how much more he could take. She flicked the whip over his chest a couple times leaving random welts over his chest and stomach area. Then she pulled the knife out of the holster on her belt again and dragged it over his chest over the welts, drawing blood from them. She leaned forward and licked some of the blood off of a couple.  
Dean tried no to think about it, for some weird reason it felt.. different. He guessed it was just teenage hormones and while he was distracted all the sudden he felt a sting of pain again, she had slapped his face.  
Her long sharp fingernails were painted the color of blood and in turn had drawn blood from his face and neck.

"Stop" He cried.

"Beg." she replied.

"Please stop, Please" he begged.

Suddenly without warning and to Dean's surprise the vampanye stopped beating him. She was looking at her handiwork. She let the ropes go seeing the rope burns on his wrists from struggling so hard. She looked at him, he was crying but not so much. She'd done what she needed to to break him. He was hurt, physically and mentally, not quite matching his brothers memory but good enough. She laughed mirthlessly.

"You are weak. Your brother had endured worse for 2 years now, how much longer will it continue? I Do not think that it matter anymore, the damage had already been done. It is beyond repair. I am done here, for now."  
The Vampanye turned to leave.

Dean was thinking, _I'll kill her one day when I get stronger and more experienced maybe. I can't let her get away with this.  
_He stood up. She whiled around causeing him a look of surprise and backed up.  
She leaned in towards him and said "Oh and Dean? If you _ever _try to look for me again to kill me you better hope you're able to do it and quickly. Haha.. or I will finish what I've started here tonight, got it?"

She turned and bounded away faster than he could see.

* * *

Sam listened and didn't say a word until Dean was finished. What was he suposed to say? He couldn't believe it all. He thought hard for a few minutes, while his brother looked at him worried and waiting for an answer. 

"Wait. Yeah, I remember that night, you said that you got in a fight with some animal or something. I help you clean the cuts on your face and arms so that dad wouldn't get mad.

Dean scratched his head for a second. "Yeah... About that. Sam?"

Sam turned, "Yeah?"

"I lied that night."

"I thought so."

Dean ruffled Sam's hair and pulled him into a hug. It was pretty awkward considering their position so Dean turned sideways and Sam turned his body to face him. Sam looked up at him, and he kissed Dean's cheek, with his hands around Dean's neck. Sam leaned in towards Dean, and Dean moved his face to catch Sam's lips into a proper kiss. A slow one that was slightly hard, the both of them could feel the need of the other through it. After a minute Dean pulled back and looked Sam in the eyes.

"I love you Sam winchester"

"and I love you Dean" came his reply.

Sam kissed Dean again, Dean mumbled "Chick flick" and they both laughed into their kiss.

* * *

**_A/N: Haha.. I know the last 2 end pretty fluffy but I can't help it.. The next chapter has too much in it to start it here and this one is like maybe the longest I've done so far, tho Im not sure.  
Anyways, Review!  
I love Reviews, and thanks to those who've read and reviewed already.. well Thanks to those who've read it and haven't reviewed anyways.  
:P  
It gets BETTER in the next chapter, it answers questions that by now you've been wondering like: Who's the she-vamp-thing?, What is she?, Where'd she come from? AND What does she have against Sam and Dean?_**

Keep on keepin on peoples! Latersville! 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry its been so long.I haven't been to a computer in forever! I'm sorry all. I'll put up the next two chapters now. How's that? Am I forgiven? lol.

Disclaimer: Blah blah, not mine.. Whatever. Not making money, this is just for all them wincester freaks!. :D

They got back on the road, they decided to get dinner on account of it was getting late. Plus they were getting very hungry. Sitting in a no-name diner Sam asked.

"So, Dean. Do you know where she is?"

"Well, not really Sam. Do I look like a psychic? That's your field buddy. You're the one with the freaky future-dreams"

"Okay, I'm guessing no then. I'll look on my computer at the motel."

After they ate they got up and Dean paid the waitress then they got in the car to go a little farther since there wasn't a motel around there.

Sam kept staring out the window thinking, he was having a hard time with everything that had happend. He knew that what had happend the other night was just a fluke, he knew it couldn't last. How could it? After all that had been happening... although they had went over it all already Dean said he forgave him but to Sam it didn't seem like it was resolved.  
What happend you ask? Well...

Fashback sequence here:

Sam looked down at his hands like he had never seem them before, threw the gun on the ground and ran to his brother.

"Dean?! I'm sorry! I didn't... It wasn't supposed to."

Dean laid on the cool, damp ground in a weird position. It looked like he had been in a fight with a demon.  
Well, he had. Sorta.

Sam went and got himself in as bait again.. as usual.

And as usual Dean had to come in and save his ass because the wolf-man thing was apperently stronger than Sam. Though you wouldn't be able to tell from this side of things I mean, it was pretty much a big dog and Sam was a big freaking human. He was supposed to just shoot the wolf-man thing and be done with it, in and out no questions asked right?

At least thats what Dean thought. And OF COURSE that couldn't happen, why? because they're Winchesters.. thats right. Bingo. WinchestersInstantly harder cases! Plus it was a wolf-man... that was insane enough.

So the wolf-man thing went for Dean (of course, it couldn't go for Sam), and they fell on the ground in the woods and basically beat the hell out of each other until smart-Sam came out with a gun with silver bullets in it and FINALLY decided to shoot the wolf...

AND his brother apperently.

Dean looked up "You're a damn asshole ya know that?" and tried to get up, but his body said no.

"Let me help you okay?" Sam tried to look at his brothers side where he had accidentally shot him.

"No, you've helped enough already I think" Dean snarled at him and held his side as he got up.

Well, Sam wound up having to stitch Dean up and it wasn't too horribly bad he thought, but boy he knew that it wouldn't go away that easily. His brother tended to hold grudges for a while.

Dean looked over to Sam and he could tell from the look on his face that he wanted to talk. He tried to ignore it and kept his hands on the wheel while trying not to look toward his brother again.

"Dean.."

"No. We're not going over it again. I told you I was sick of being on the road all the time and I wanted to have a break after the last case, thats it."

"Thats not what I meant...But I was thinkin"

"Stop Sam." Dean was getting angrier.

"No Dean, You keep saying it's alright but you don't act like it. And whats with this new thing we got into?"

"What are you talking about Sam. I told you I. Don't. Want. To .Talk. About. It. What new thing?" Dean measured out his words carefully, he didn't really want to blow up right now.

"Dean, I keep trying to tell you. I have found out that I want to be with you and I want to say sorry. You won't ever let me apoligize."

Dean didn't feel like he could hold it in much longer. He let some anger out.

"STOP IT SAM! You keep apoligizing and what good does it do?! None! Did it help get our money back from that damn pool shark when you decided to get your ass in trouble?! Who decided that he should try to start hustling?! Who SHOT who?! Did Saying sorry help how much it hurt?! NO. SO STOP."

Sam knew that he should shut up and keep his mouth shut but he couldn't, it seemed like his mouth just couldn't stop.

"But Dean--"

"SAM!"

Sam knew that by now Dean was already blowing up and that his temper was really unpredictable. Who knew what Dean would do once he got started. Well he figured that he'd throw him out of the car again.. it happens when they get in a fight on the road but Dean never left him on the side of the road again. AND Sam, his big mouth wouldn't stop himself this time.

"Dean just let me--"

"Out."

Sam looked confused. The Impala fell to a screeching halt and Sam almost hit his head on the dash because of it.

"Get out. NOW."

Dean had fallen off the edge, he was mad and Sam didn't know what he'd do. Sam looked at his brother carefully.

"What do you--"

"GET OUT SAM!"

Sam got out and Dean quickly shut the door behind him and locked it.

"DEAN! Let me in! Come on..." Sam was on the edge of begging. "Please?"

"NO! You don't deserve it. You stay out there until you decide that you should shut your mouth! Suffer the consequences for once Sam!"

"What?! You're an asshole! LET ME IN! It's freaking cold out here.."

"NO." Dean sat back in his seat prepared to let Sam stay out there all night if he had to. Sam sat down on the ground with his head up against the door, he banged his head once and Dean yelled at him through the window to quit.

Soon Dean got irritated because it was starting to rain.

"OF COURSE! Now he'll want in worse and I'll have to let him in cause I don't want my leather wet!" Dean growled irritatedly.

What he didn't know was that Sam had been working his way over to the drivers side and while Dean went over to the other side to open the window Sam jumped in and shut the door. Dean whirled around and yelled.

"GET OUT! You aren't allowed in now. Are you going to shut up?!"

"No! You listen to me..." Sam tried to work his way into the one sided conversation. "I want to talk..."

"YOU ALWAYS WANT TO TALK! I don't want to talk! ALL you're gonna do is ask me to forgive you and I'm tired of hearing it! I CANNOT Stand it anymore! Sam you're so fucking sad. I fucking sick of this shit! GET OUT!" Dean jumped on Sam and tried to push him out the door.

It was raining pretty hard by this time but Dean didn't care he was mad.

"GET OUT!"

"NO!" Sam overpowered Dean and pushed him out the door instead and locked the door. So Dean was stuck out in the rain this time. This didn't help Dean's anger.

"SAM! LET ME IN!"

"No! Stay out! Now I'm fucking mad at you!"

After a few minutes out in the rain Dean looked at Sam through the window and smirked. He remembered something, pulled his keys out of his pocket and jingled them in the air.

Dean opened the door and shoved Sam backwards inside. He was mad but he had calmed down a little.

They sat in a stony silence for a while before Sam spoke up.

"Dean."

Dean's eyebrow quirked and he turned toward Sam. "Are you sure you wanna go down this road again? I was just calming down."

"Yes. I know. I'm so-- Uhh... We do need to talk about something."

"WHAT." Dean said a bit louder than nessicary.

"What is this thing between us? Have we decided that it's okay? I want it to be okay."

"It's not. It's wrong Sam. I can't do it, I've been telling myself for years not to think of you that way and I just can't"

"WHY? I want it why can't you just..."

Sam leaned in to Dean and tried to kiss Dean. Dean pushed him back.

"No. No Sam. What happend the other night is just... wrong. We can't do it. It's wrong."

"Screw wrong. I want you." Sam leaned in and kissed Dean. It was soft and slightly needy. Dean didn't respond and after a few seconds of trying to get a response out of him Sam pulled back and hung his head, seemingly in shame.

"So you don't love me I guess?"

Dean looked over at his brother with wide eyes. "I do, you know I do. I'd do anything for you."

"Let's just get going." Dean said and put the car in gear. Sam knew that Dean's words signaled that that was the end of this conversation. Sam knew that he should shut up and now his mouth seemed to be listening to his brain so he shut up and just let Dean drive.

When they got inside the first thing Sam did was grab his laptop. After about 20 minutes Sam looked up. "Are you sure you don't have any idea?"  
Dean looked up from the bed he was lying down on thinking. "No Sam. I don't even really know if we should be looking for her."

Sam went back to typing.

After another 30 minutes of hearing Sam type in random intervals.

"AHA!"

Dean jumped up. "Good God Sam! What'd you get?"

"Well, there aren't that many things known about Vampanyes. They are a different breed of vampires. They are more inhuman Yet, they look more human than not. Weird. Anyways, the ledgen goes that the first Vampanye was a human first. They are all named for specific reason, or in the last queen of the vampires case she was re-named once she joined the clan."

"Why was she re-named? What happend?"

"Let me finish, I'll explain. The First king of the vampyres was Cyril. That means 'lordly'. He is the king." Sam looked at the website again. "Uhh.. wait, he _was_ the king. He died but it never says how except, by a vampire hunter. After he died his wife, Regina--meaning queen-- ruled. She was very reveared and respected even though..."

Dean looked up. "What?!"

"Well, heres where I explain her re-name-age. Her surname was Amy, which means beloved, She was named that because she was the only child in her family. Her mom couldn't have anymore after that and died of some disease. Soon after that when she was in her teens she met Cyril and without knowing he was so much as a king never mind a Vampyre King she fell in love with him and they married. Anyways, Cyril loved her and gave her some of his blood so that she could become a half-vampire half-human. She was accepted without warmth into the clan because most vampyres hate humans. Then when she gained the respect of the clan and then joined the clan they re-named her Regina. The vampire blood in her sustained her life for many hundreds of years and after Cyril died she ruled for well over 400 years. Then she died."

Dean was confused. (A/N: Are you? If its too confusing you can Message me about it) "So who's the King or Queen now or whatever now?"

"Well.. It's... Hmm. She's actually considered a goddess. Her name is Leila which means 'Dark as Night'. Her father Cyril was King of the Vampyres. She is a Vampanye, as she told you."

Dean interrupted "Wait. How? You said her dad was a vampyre"

"Hello. Stop interrupting. Her mother Regina was a human so in the first place Leila was part vampyre and part vampyre/human. But, Leila wanted to be stronger I guess, I don't know, anyways she got turned. Ledgen says that she studied witchcraft and all that sort then went to 'The Queen of Magic, Faeries and Mythical Creatures' and got turned into a Vampyre/Human/Psychic/Magical Queen, thats why she looks human, shes part human. She called herself a Vampanye, I'm not sure why, it was just different than vampyre I guess. Anyways she's supposedly the first Vampanye to rule the vampyre kingdom. Well, She's the first vampanye, period."

Dean snorted "So that's her? Is that the chick that's been fuckin up our lives?"

"I guess, did she ever say anything about being a queen?"

Dean thought for a minute, and after a few minutes of hard thinking he came up with one thing. "She said that she was one of the most importent person I'll ever meet and well.. I don't know. She said that she's 'above all' and 'knows all'.. She's a bitch is all really I know. So?"

"That's all she said? Well.. it seems like she was leaving clues, or else she didn't expect you to figure it out at all anyways. So What?"

"What else?"

Sam clicked on different things finally finding one general description of vampanyes and the sort. "I found a general description of her behavior from what other people have seen, heard and whats all in different stories and ledgens."

Dean waited impatiently while sitting on his bed. Sam kept looking at his screen with his back against the headboard.

"Vampanyes are generally different, obviously."

"So observant Sammy." Dean kidded.

"Shush!" came Sams reply. "Vampanyes are sadistic, they mostly like to play sick and twisted mind games. AND, they have powers that regular vampires don't."

Dean jolted, he covered his reactions quickly, "Like what? We talkin Superman kinda stuff?"

"Kinda of. They can leap farther and faster, some say that they can fly. They can do spells, but not like Harry Potter wand stuff. Its wordless mind magic. They seem to disappear suddenly, They're never in the same place for very long. You know the old myth about how vampyres can turn into bats? Okay that's crap right? Well, vampanyes take it a step up, they can change form, although it doesnt say for sure what.The form changing is due to their magics from the faeire queen chick. No one knows where they all -vampyres and vampanyes- live as a clan. An old story says that its on some spanish sounding island that no ones ever heard of... Oh, and they can read minds."

Dean jumped up, he was in full freak-out mode.  
"Damn, I knew it! Thats how she got me! Thats how she knew it all, that son of a bitch... wait"

Sam looked up "What?"

"What do you mean 'they'? Why do you keep saying 'they'?" Dean was standing over Sam now and was looking over his shoulder.

"Because while Leila is the first one she is not the _only_ one. She has sired more, trained them to be her own breed and she may even have a child by now. She is over 400 years old, But, thats all anyone knows about her and the vampanyes. Well, except that there isn't very many of them yet."

"How do we kill her, Sam?"

"Uhh..." Sam was bewildered, did Dean think that Sam was a miracle worker? Just that information had taken over an hour of researching and reading. "Not think about staking her?"

Dean walked into the middle of the room and started to pace, thinking about ways to kill her. "You're getting dumber Sam"

"It could only be your fault!" Sam pouted.

Dean stopped in his tracks, he turned toward Sam to see him pouting like a 5 year old.

"Real nice. So mature" Sam stuck out his tongue at his brother.

Dean Smirked "Next time, I'll bite it." Sam smiled slyly

"Is that a promise or a threat?"

"You are turning into a nympho Sam, all you think about is sex." Dean retorted

"Uh, no that's you. You interpret everything as something sexual. Plus if you'd do something about it I probably wouldn't think about it so much."

They faced each other from separate beds, Dean sat on the edge of his bed.

"No sam. Absolutely not. I know what'll happen and we're not talking about it anymore that is the end of it."

Sam looked downtrodden... He thought something had changed, but he decided that it must have just been one of those things. They were both weak at the time and you know they both hadn't even been around a girl in a while so, Sam chalked what happend up to Deans libido.

"Well.. lets get this sucker." Dean said invading Sam's thoughts.

"Yeah but how Dean?" Sam said with a puzzled look on his face.

"Sam, you think too much." Dean said and then got up and walked into the bathroom, it was getting late and they needed to get into bed but he needed a shower first.

"I'm gonna take a shower before I go to bed" Dean stated, Sam laid on his bed and saw Dean take off his shirt while on his way to the bathroom.  
Sam watched Dean while seemingly not trying to give out the join-me-in-the-shower vibes, it was hard not to see them. 'ma_ybe I want to see them.' _He thought.

Sam tried not to think while he took off his own shirt and pants so that he could sleep.  
_'Why does everything seem sexual with him? Even when he doesn't mean to he just throws off sex vibes. Although I don't think that I should be looking for them. STOP SAM!'_

Dean walked into the bathroom and turned on the hot water first, he couldn't wait to feel it. He'd been so stressed lately he could feel the knots in his back and neck.  
Plus this whole new thing with his brother. _' No. It's not a thing. It's not a relationship. Forget it. He doesn't know what he wants, he needs normal. He needs a girl. STOP DEAN!' _He berated himself while he thought about it all as he finished undressing and stepped in the shower and felt the steam already rolling out of the shower.  
After a few minutes he looked down at his arm and saw his cuts from just a few days ago, already they were beginning to heal.

_'They're almost healed. I swear I won't do it again.'_

He knew that he couldn't anyways, after finding out that Sam had been doing it too? How could they have hidden that from each other for so long? He couldn't let Sam know, he couldn't let Sam see how weak he was.

_'I have to take care of Sammy better now, I can't worry about myself. I need to help him, to make up for everything I didn't do back then.'_

He shook his head quickly to knock lookse his emo/hero thoughts.

_'I keep acting like this and I might as well grow boobs and shave my legs.' _He thought about how much of a surprise that'd be to Sam. He laughed in spite of himself.

He washed his hair and climbed out of the shower.

Dean has decided that dispite what he thought he wanted he was gonna have some fun. And if Sam was game then that was cool.

Dean put on boxers and an undershirt and walked out. He saw Sam lying on his stomach with his back to him on the computer. _'Always on that thing' _He smiled and walked over to the bed and stood there, waiting.

"Ahem!" He coughed outloud.

Sam looked up and turned his head around. "What?"

"Sam, all I can say is that that better not be porn."

His brother smiled slightly but said with an indignant tone in his voice.

"Dean, unlike _some_ people I don't need porn. That is a sad excuse of an imitation. I don't need it. I'd rather have the real thing."

"Mmhmm. It better not be any guys, I'll shoot you."

Sam turned over and laughed. "Are you jelous? Of what?"

"Psht, no... Of course not. What do you think? Sam, you're just not allowed to be lookin at guys is all."

"Haha, you're jelous and posessive as well. You're also whining. What about girls?" He raised an eyebrow inquisitivly.

"I am not whining! and what about girls? They're good but no matter what, I'm better. Not like I really care what you do though.."

Sam smirked. Dean looked down at Sam on the bed, right in front of him. He could jump on him right now and take him, but he decided against it. He thought that Sam looked wonderful just like that, lying on his back staring at him with eyes mixed with love and lust. Dean pulled off his towel to reveal boxers underneath and got on the bed to sit on Sam's stomach.

"I don't need to whine, you're going to. You're so bottom."

"Whoah! No. No way. You are bottom. I am not the girl here" he pouted.

"Sam have you been listening to yourself lately? You are a freaking woman." He paused between each word of his last sentence to accentuate his point. "And you have more chick-flick moments than anyone I've ever known."

"Nu-uh I do not. Anyways, why do you figure me for bottom? You can't say it's because you're older, that's not fair." --he's still pouting and now he's whining--

"Well, I am older which means Im always right. But, you're not whining now are you?"

"No, I'm not like 5. I'm pouting" He whined, then whinced when he realized how childish he sounded.

"Stop pouting you girl. You're like a 5 year old girl I swear. Sam"

Just then Sam reached up, grabbed Dean by the shoulders and rolled them over so that Sam was the one on top . It had happend so quickly that Dean was caught by surprise. Sam bit Dean's neck, not too hard but hard enough.

"Ah! Sam,You just bit me? Are you trying to eat me or something? Sorry dude, cannibalism is not my thing." He smiled while saying it.

"Now who's whining?" Sam smiled.

Dean was happy that he could make Sam happy and smiling now. Dean dispite how he acted could melt inside from just one look from his baby brother.

_'I'm turning into a chick'_ he thought slightly bitterly.

Dean got harder as Sam tugged off his shirt and proceeded to press himself down until he could lick at Dean's throat, as the tip of Sams tongue touched his jugular Dean moaned.

Sam lightly bit near Deans collar bone. Dean hissed and leaned his head back farther encouragingly. Sam bit on the skin that was pulsing and sucked, pretty hard, causing a hickey. They both knew it'd be there for a while from how it felt and looked. Then Sam moved lower and took the older mans left nipple in his mouth, he could hear Deans breath hitch, just the reaction he wanted. Dean arched into Sam's touch.

Sam leaned over to Deans ear and whispered "You like that?".

Dean groaned out a yes, it was caught at that moment in Sams mouth as he kissed Dean, their hands wandered over each others upper bodies. Sam's hands mapped their way over Deans body feeling his upper half, then he leaned forward up to face Dean, he kissed his neck and then he bit his neck again, for some reason Sam really liked Dean's neck. Dean had his hands tangled in Sams hair and reached one hand on the back of his neck and pulled Sam into him. Sams hands roamed all over Deans torso and face, they stopped right at Deans waistband.  
Dean wanted more and Sam wanted it badly.  
One look from one to the other and they knew.

They were not ready.

Sam laid on his stomach on top of Deans, with his head on his brothers chest. Dean lifted Sams head by his chin and looked at his little brother tenderly, well, in a man-way. ((What is a man-way anyway?))

"We need to stop, Sam" came the official tone of an older brother.

"I know" Sam said reluctantly and looked down.

"We need to figure stuff out and we're on a hunt right now so we should probably focus on that"

Sam understood.  
It was Dean who even though he fed Sam this bullshit still didn't understand but, he ignored it.

"We need to get up early. Let's go to bed."

"Yeah, I know, I got a bit destracted. I was ready to go to bed earlier."

"I noticed, thanks, your observations are always so...obvious."

"Dumbass"

"Bitch"

"Jerk"

"Ass"

"You like it though" Sam grinned coyly. Dean laughed and turned over to get up to go to his own bed, he had his legs over the side of the bed and was starting to sit up when Sam stopped him. He put his hand on Deans shoulder and almost pulled him backwards.

"Sleep in my bed tonight. I'm afraid of the nightmares. They've been getting worse lately." He said.

Dean knew that instead of encouraging Sams incestual behaviour that he needed to discourage it, and that little makeout episode didn't help... but Dean decided to be the big brother now and said "Okay."  
He leaned backwards and got back into the bed, he rolled over to face Sam. Sam turned over on his back and reached over to turn off the lamp on the side table. He turned back on his side facing toward Dean.

"Goodnight Dean" Dean traced a ghost of a kiss over Sams lips.

"Goodnight, Sammy" He whispered softly.

For the first night in a long time Sam did not have a nightmare.

* * *

And so!! What do you think? Worth the 5 month wait?!

Review! Lots O' Love!  
Leila 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: and I know I've been pulling a Kripke. :D Sorry sorry sorry.

Disclaimer: Blah blah, not mine.. Whatever. Not making money

* * *

The next day they got on a bit of a late start. Sam had decided to take a shower and well, Dean always thinks that everything must be sexual so instead of ignoring the "come have sex in the shower with me' vibes he went with them... and well, They didn't have sex, more like Sam went to turn on the water.  
Got startled when Dean was all the sudden behind him and...  
Once they had made out and Sam tried to tug Dean into the shower he tugged the wrong way and... they fell. On the small, cold, tile floor. While Sam was naked and Dean half'naked...AFTER that happend Dean mmumbled something about having to be on the road all day in order to get out of town and got up. He got out of there and thanked God or whoever it was that it hadn't gotten farther..  
SO much for the 'don't lead your brother on anymore' thing...

They were somewhere in Northern Oklahoma and had been on the road a couple hourse when Dean asked Sam

"Where is she?" He got no reply. "Hey!"

Sam sat up quickly, he had dozed off. "Huh? what?"

"Where is she man? You never told."

Sam looked surprised. "I didn't? I thought I had."

"No such luck smart one."

"I guess I got a bit too distracted." He admitted sheepishly.

Dean chuckled in ammusement, "Just a little" he quipped. Sam turned a reddish color and Dean thought _'Sometimes he so... I don't know, out there and flirty and sometimes like now- or actually he wasn't ever really like that before, but like right now he's so shy and embarassed easily. It's kinda cute.. ew did I just think the word cute?! ugh...'_

Sam tried to ignore Dean's comment. "Well, right now she should be on her cycle."

"Whoah! Whoah! You mean like--"

Sam held up a hand to shut his dumb brother up. "No stupid, Her _**food**_ cycle. She only eats at certain times of the month so, she's in a big city. She always has to be around alot of people so that way when she kills someone it doesn't seem so suspicious."

Dean got impatient. "Just tell me what city and stop explaining Einstien"

"Metropolis, she's in Metropolis."

"Why does that seem familier to me?" Dean inquired.

"Uhh, It's in Kansas. I don't know why it'd be familier to you except for the fact that its in Kansas."

"Right"

So, She was in Kansas. Basically they had to go home, if you could call it that. Now, Metropolis is a ways away from Lawrence but they still felt weird about going there anyways.

Dean wasn't sure about going out and looking for her. He couldn't quit thinking about it. How could they kill her when she can read minds? That is the answer they couldn't seem to answer, well not yet anyways.

They kept going toward Kansas. After a long while Sam finally spoke again.

"Dean, I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh." Dean joked. Sam hit him in the arm.

"Shut up. No, I've been thinking about this."

Dean took a minute to think _'This'? Us? What? Does he mean her or me? Was it a mistake to let him know everything? Is he going to reject me again? Should I have just said no? I should have said no. Im a hypocritical jackass...' _He quickly covered up his thoughts with a smart remark.

"What 'this'? Killing her? Or have you been thinking dirty thoughts about me instead?"  
He grinned as though he had accomplished a change in subject. He didn't want to talk about her, or them.

Sam blushed a bit, having a pink-ish tinge to his cheeks he replied "No, about why"

"Why what?" His face fell a bit, he hadn't accomplished anything.

"Why Leila would go after you."

"I don't know Sam. Besides, that couldn't be all that you were thinking about..."  
He turned and showed that cute but sexy lop-sided grin to Sam, how could Sam resist?

"How would you know? Yes it was."

They stopped at a red light. Dean turned toward his brother.

"Because I can do this."

With that said, he kissed Sam. He fisted Sam's long-ish brown hair with one hand and had his other hand around his neck. He pulled Sam into himself, after a minute he let go.

"That's how I know."

The light turned green and he gunned it. Sam forgot what he was doing for a minute. _'How'd he do that?'_ After he had found his bearings he said "Whoah... uhh... DEAN!"

Dean jumped, "What?!"

"You did that on purpose so I'd forget."

"Did it work?" Dean smiled like a sly dog might if he had just stolen a bone out of his masters hand.

"No! . . ." Sam looked down. "Yes, just-- Shut up."

Dean didn't say anything, he just shrugged.

"You suck Dean"

"So do you" Dean replied still smiling. Well, he had accomplished something by the look of Sam's pants. He looked pointedly toward Sam's crotch, "Hmm, dirty thoughts again already Sam? Wow, you really ARE turning into a nympho.. is that my fault?"

Sam turned three more shades of red. "No Dean, I'm trying to be serious"

Dean muttered something unintelligable. Sam thought _'Did he just say something about being seriously black? What in the world?'_ Sam was confused.

"What'd you say?"

Dean stuttered, he had made some lame Harry Potter joke. He had just read the books.. again... for the 5th time. But, he couldn't let his brother know that he actually read. He covered it up nicely, "I like the cd 'Back in Black'?", Not...

"What in the--? Nevermind, I don't think I want to know. Why did Leila go after you? Do you know?"

Dean sighed "She just said something about hating hunters and that me and what's left of my family should die.. or pay? I don't remember which one it was, it was something like that."

"You don't remember?" Came Sam's shocked reply.

"Sam, I've drank since then.. alot. You can't expect me to remember everything."

Sam continued as though he hadn't heard Dean. "Why'd she let you live? She could've killed you easily either time she saw you."

Dean gave Sam a quick look of contempt. "Thanks, asshole. I think that she just wanted to fuck our family's life"

"It's not that simple. You've got to be kidding me. No. I think it's deeper than that. Why would she, Queen of the Vampyre and Vampanye kingdom, take time to go after our family? And for so long! No no, she -like all vampanyes- likes to play deeply fucked up mind games and you're telling me she did all this and you don't know or even care as to what her reasoning is?!"

Dean held his hands up in surrender for a second before putting them back on the wheel.

"I don't know. You know, it seems like every demon we've faced was after dad? Or it had to do with dad. Maybe it's because we're his kids. Maybe they're out to get the famous Winchester boys. We've killed some major demons, maybe they hate us for a reason? Face it, they are pissed either way."

They drove in silence for a while. Dean got tired of driving and it was in the evening. They finally had come to a town that wasn't too big but still small enough, it was ironically called Smallville. They stopped to eat at some coffee bar called the Talon. They walked in and saw a pretty girl working at the counter, they went up front to order.

The girl said "Hi, welcome to the Talon. My name is Lana. I haven't seen you guys around here before"

(A/N: Ok just because I've tried to go with the Supernatural Time line doesn't mean I'm doin it with Smallville.. lol)

"Hi, I'm Dean and this is Sam. You might have never seen us around because we've never been here before" He flashed her a smile.

"Well, Hi Dean. What can I get you?" She looked directly at Dean with what she thought must've been a flirty smile.

Dean seemed to enjoy the attention and said "I don't know really, Whatever you recommend should be fine with us."

"Okay sure."

The guys went to sit at a table and Sam seemed irritated. Dean picked up on it. "What?"

"Do you have to flirt with Everyone?" Sam said.

"I wasn't. She started it."

"Yeah, well." Sam crossed his arms and turned to look toward the door.

Pretty soon the girl came back with some hot coffee and some food to go with it. She looked at Sam this time as if she had never seen him before but she now seemed interested in flrting with Sam.

She said "I hope you like it. It's most of my favorite things to have here. You're Sam right?"

Sam looked up at her. "Yeah, that's me. How are you?" He smiled at her.

"Good, thanks. What're you guys doing here anyways?"

Dean started to speak up but saw that she had addressed Sam so, he sat back in his chair again.

"We're just passing through and needed to stop for the night. We're on our way to Metropolis on business"

"Oh, thats cool. What do you guys do?" She looked at Sam with her cool blue eyes, she seemed interested in being nosy is what the they thought immediatly. Shes probably just being friendly, since it is a little town and all both men figured.

Dean answered. "We're in journalism. Yeah, we both work for a newspaper in southern Texas."

Lana's eyes seemed to light up at the mention of that. "Wow, really? My best friend wants to work for a newspaper in Metropolis. You just might meet her there, she's trying again to get a job there. She's always got some crazy story going on. She's really good though." She switched looking between both guys.

They chatted a little about different site and cool places around while Sam and Dean ate. She seemed like a nice chick. Then as the bell rang above the front door she turned to look at a guy. He was tall, had dark hair and wore a red shirt, a blue jacket and jeans. She got a bit distracted after he walked in.

Sam and Dean just watched her look at the guy, he looked older than he probably was though.

_'Probably a boyfriend.' _Dean thought. He spoke up, "Hey, it was nice to meet you but we've really got to jet."

Lana looked back at him finally and replied "Oh, yeah okay. Metropolis is a nice place. Anyways, I won't keep you. Enjoy!" and She bounded off to talk to the tall, dark and handsome guy that had walked through earlier. They overheard them talking and found that his name was Clark Kent.

Sam looked at Dean stumped. "You don't think?"

Dean looked back at his brother with a look of indifference on his face, though you could tell he was thinking it too. "No way. Not possible."

Soon they were done and got up to leave. They said thanks to Lana and she told them that if they were ever in Smallville again to stop by anytime. The Clark guy turned and said 'Hi' and 'Bye' to them. They all waved bye.

They went to a motel that was around there. Dean checked them into a room and immediatly Sam got on his laptop that was sitting at the table in the corner. After about 15 minutes, Dean got fed up.

"I hate that damn thing" He said from his spot on his bed by the window.

"What thing?" Sam ansered back distractedly.

"Uh, that damn laptop. Hello? Motel room, bed, Me. What else could you ask for? Usually, I'd have to be wasted to be this willing"

Sam chuckled, he could hardly believe that it had taken his brother _this_ long to say something. Of course Sam wanted to jump his brothers bones right then and there but he had stoppd himself so he could have some fun first.

"I'm busy looking up more stuff on the vampanyes and that junk. I don't have time to waste on you."

Dean didn't appreciate that comment at all. He decided to fuck away the whole hypocritcal love me but dont love me thing... and went on impulse. "Don't make me come over there Sam"

Sam smiled, exactly the reaction he's expected. "You wouldn't." He dared not looking up from the screen. Dean walked up behind Sam and pulled his head back by his hair, not exactly hard.. but not exactly soft either.

"You are one huge brat Sam Winchester."

Sam grinned "You love me for it."  
Dean kissed him upside down.

:X XD :X XD :X XD WARNING SEX XD :X XD :X XD :X

After he kissed Sam, Sam knew that he'd never finish work, well who in their right mind would? Actually, who in their wrong mind would? Because this want not right, but at the moment they neither cared nor were thinking about it. They'd handle that aspect later.

Sam stood up and pulled Dean to him, Dean mess with Sam's hair while Sam unbuttoned his shirt. Shrugging out of his shirt Dean looked Sam in the eyes and said "Are you sure you know what you'd getting yourself into?"

"Of course I don't." Came a unsteady reply. "Ha ha, okay. No whining."

With that Dean shoved Sam onto the bed. After ripping off the younger ones shirt Dean decided something quick, Payback time.He crouched over Sam and used his tongue to trace a route from Sam's neck to his nipples.  
Sam's breath slowly got heavier and suddenly as Dean blew on his already sensitive nipples, his breath hitched and stopped slightly for a second. Dean bit down hard on the right one while Sam hissed and bit his own lip. Opening his mouth Sam gasped "Payback?"  
Dean let go, pulled his head up and nodded. "Damn straight."  
Any smart ass remarks Sam thought up flew right out of his mind as Dean kissed him suddently, slightly jerky and hard. It was unexpected but totally welcomed. Dean prolonged the kiss as Sam tried to undo his brothers belt buckle, and pants. He tried to even tug his pants hoping that Dean would get the message and help. Belt buckles proved tricky and Sam was all buttery fingers. Dean stopped him.  
"No way, Not yet little bro." Dean said into Sam's mouth. Sam groaned.  
Dean grinned and ground his hips into Sam's just to see his face, Sam groaned. Sam wanted, though it felt like a need, to get all the clothes off their skin. He wanted to feel his brothers body under his and feel skin on skin. He tried to form words, failing to be able to even think much less complete a sentence he finally settled on 3 simple words.

"Too many clothes" ((What you thought something different?))

Sam overpowered Dean and got up on top of him.

"Whoah not used to the horny, needy thing yet Sammy?"

"No, I know that feeling all too well, Dean."

He pressed his body totally against Dean's their chests together so close that they could feel the others breathing, and were sure that they could almost hear each others heartbeats.He leaned down and kissed Dean opening his mouth so that he could search the other mans with his own tongue.  
It was as if they were getting to know each other again for the first time.

Sam's hands wandered down to Dean's belt buckle but again he couldn't quite get it off. When he let out an exasperated groan Dean chuckled and helped.

Sam stopped suddenly a second later. "Dean"

Dean sighed huffily, "What now?"

"We need stuff if we're gonna finish what we've started, and judging by the size of your pants I think you feel the same."

Dean knew what 'stuff' Sam was referring to but he decided to play dumb, with an innocent smile he said. "What stuff?"

"You know what I mean" Sam looked stern.

Dean's eyes got wider. "I'm not sure. I'm not a whore I don't know much about that kind of stuff."

Sam looked as if he could kill Dean right then for what he had just insinuated.

"You are THE WHORE!" He hissed loudly and irritatedly. "At least I don't go around hitting on everything in a skirt."

For some strange reason Dean had a weird thought about seeing Sam in a skirt and laughed. "Well, not anymore. Why didn't you just ask for lube?" He grinned "What flavor?" He added.

Sam's eyes got huge this time. "You just... You-- I-- You suck dude."

"Only you..." Dean laughed at the look on Sam's face. It had changed dramtically like five times all within the past 2 minutes.

"It's in my bag Sam" Sam got up and got it then came back over to the bed and took of his shoes, Dean did the same.

Then Sam pulled off his pants and Dean's too. Dean smiled "Eager are we?"

"Shut up" Sam pulled Dean to him and they both went down on the bed with Sam on top. Sam nipped his way down Dean's body, which was pretty much quaking with desire, from his neck to his stomach. It kind of hit Sam all at once that this was Deans body, those were Deans muscles. This was someone he cared about more than anyone in the world. That thought, about his dreams coming true, just the thought alone made him totally hard. He was finally going to do this.

As Sam went down on Dean it was Dean's turn to writhe, moan and buck his hips up wanting more. Sam smiled at Dean and incidently scraped his teeth just barely across the sensitive flesh. Dean hissed through his teeth and Sam quickly closed his lips over him. He sucked him into the back of his throat. After he'd nearly swallowed Dean, he bucked father into his mouth. Sam held on and rolled his tongue around him and slowly pulled him out with a soft moist pop sound.  
Dean didn't want to play anymore, he wanted more. He gasped out "Now"

Sam grabbed the lube with shaky fingers and put some on his fingers. He told Dean that he didn't want to hurt him. Dean told him that he couldn't possinly hurt him and he added to do it "Now!".

((Dean gets impatient in his horny state.))

Sam went to put one finger in, Dean gasped out that he wanted more.  
Sam put in two streching him out. Dean wimpered softly. Sam stopped he looked down at Dean with a look cousin to concern, Dean just encouraged him to keep going.  
Dean kept insisting on more and now.

"Now who's eager?" Sam smiled enjoying the expressions on Dean's face.  
"Are you ready?"

Dean looked at Sam like he was stupid. "What do you think? I wanted more and you've just been teasing me. Come ON Sam."  
Sam rubbed some of the lube on himself and held his body over Deans. Finally he pushed himself in but slowly as to not hurt Dean. Dean moaned out loud making Sam lose his grip and push all the way in unexpectedly. Dean cried out Sam's name and that he wanted it faster.  
Sam started pushing in and out while twisting each time more and more to try and find that one spot. Finally he found it and thrusted in as hard as he could, this made Dean moan and groan so loud they were sure that everyone in the motel would hear.  
Sam went faster and harder.

Pretty soon Dean felt himself ready to burst and almost did when Sam screamed out his name while nearly passing out from a wave of pleasure pulsing throughout his whole entire being. His muscles clenched and pulled Sam in even more than he thought was possible.

Dean came with a loud yelp of pleasure gasping Sam's name and a string of various words involving alot of obscene words, "God", and "Sam".

Sam nearly came just from hearing Dean scream say his name with his voice so obviously filled with the pleasure that was flowing through him.  
Sam finally pulled out of his brother and licked his own mess up and moved to kiss Dean. Dean could taste Sam in their kiss as Sam stroaked the older mans re-hardened dick.

Sam started to pump Dean with his hand and loved watching Dean's facial expressions. Sam was lying on his brother when Dean came between them. Again Sam licked it up and kissed Dean feveriously.

Then Sam collapsed on top of Dean, they had both been totally spent.

XX DD XX DD XX DD XX DD END OF WARNING DD XX DD XX DD XX DD XX

"God, I'm tired." Sam said.

"Yeah, who knew you had that in you?" Dean smiled.

"Not you apperently."

"I do now."

"Huh, well. You wanna go again?" Sam asked in an amused voice, he kind of hoped Dean would say no. Not that he couldn't do it but, he was tired, besides theres always time for more later.

"Oh no, I'm too old for that right now, maybe next time though."

Sam laughed. "We know that YOU are getting old when we hear You turn down SEX."

Dean played with Sam's hair while holding him pretty tightly in his arms. "I know, We'll have plenty of time for that later too. I promise."  
Dean looked down at his brother while they were both on the verge of falling asleep, he loved his brother. Oh, how he loved him.

He whispered "I love you Sammy. You are the most importent thing in the world to me."

Sam looked up, he was sure Dean had thought that he was asleep. "I know, I love you too. Always have." Sam put his head back down on his brothers chest. After a minute he looked back up at Dean. "And you say that I have alot of Chick flick moments."

They both laughed and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
